Had a dream I can't remember enough of to bother dream journaling it, but what I do remember from just before waking was worth a note. The whole dream was vaguely like a movie about a young queer friend group. I was mostly following a young trans guy, and he had a girlfriend; it was basically my wife and I if we were together much earlier and I'd figured myself out as a teenager. The trans guy was excited he got taller (hey, I gained about an inch throughout college), and his gf was happy for him. There was a very flamboyant queer friend (maybe transfemme?) who was picking on him a little. At one point they said "We gotta get some nail polish on you, queer it up!"
And he said "Nail polish makes me feel like a girl again, I don't like it."
They kept picking at him, and the gf took them aside and tried to work out why. They said they didn't like what he was doing (re. transitioning) and she pointed out that he/I was just being true to himself the same as all LGBTQIA+ people are trying to. They broke down and said "But My truth gets homophobic slurs yelled at me from passing cars, but His truth gets him respect and normalcy and that's not fair!"
They were bitter because of that and I honestly can't blame them, and it does tap into the reality that transmen seem to have passing privilege at a higher rate than transwomen. Not all transmen pass. Nonbinary folks may have an even rougher time, in a way, and passing should never have to be the goal for anyone.
Queerness is very much about fighting the patriarchy, yet for many transmen the end goal- especially for white transmen, can leave them looking physically just like the patriarchy. It would be a lie to say there are no benefits to looking like a cis white man. It's an awkward juxtaposition and one that I've struggled with. It puts transmascs in an odd place in the queer community.
No, it's not fair.
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